I woke Friday morning to a very busy day ahead; I had a couple of errands to run for Christian and an appointment with Cece to find something to wear for the Annual Valentines Gala. I was excited and frightened at the same time. I've never been to anything as extravagant as a gala, I know I have to wear a dress and I'm not really comfortable with that. I don't need anyone seeing my scars they are a part of me and I would prefer to keep it secret. Perhaps Cece could find me something that would keep them from showing? Simply knowing she'd see them upset me. I try hard to get that out of my head; it's been months since I last thought about it. I know I can't go down that road. I know how awful it would be if I let it take control over my life again. He was gone and I will never have to deal with the torment and suffering of ever seeing him again.A part of me will always wonder how different my life could have had been if my parents had kept me instead of putting me up for adoption. Maybe my life could be something more, perhaps I wouldn't be this messed up right now. The Richards had been the only family I'd ever known. Amelia was the best mother I could have asked for. Everything was perfect until I turned 11; she was diagnosed with breast cancer that year. It was past the point of no return for her, but we spend the most amazing six months together. Until one night, she was taken from me. John was never the same after Amelia passed away. He was cold and never wanted to spend time with me and he began drinking night after night. I would come home to a dark house, wishing everything could go back to the life we had, the wonderful, simple life. I would often stay up late crying in my bed wishing he'd see how much I was hurting. How he didn't have to go through this alone. The way he'd look at me, made me feel sick to my stomach; like he couldn't stand being around me. I reminded him of Amelia and he couldn't bear the thought.
One night when I was 14, I returned home late from school because I missed the school bus and wound up having to walk home. John was drunk and furious; he'd lost his job the previous month which made him on edge and angrier than usual. The look on his face had me running to my room; I knew it was better to leave him alone to cool off. I wish I'd never done that, it just made him more aggravated. That night he beat me until I couldn't walk. It continued for a considerable length of time until one night when he was sleeping I snuck out my bedroom window and never looked back.
"Ana." Kate's voice stood out just enough to be noticed; I turned around and faked a smile. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, sorry I was thinking about something," I say grabbing the copies I just made.
"What time is your appointment with Cece?" She asks as she leans on the door outside the photocopy room.
"After lunch," I replied.
"Well, you better take a picture; I want to see the dress you pick." She giggles.
I nod my head. "I will just for you."
"I hear those type of parties are often really fun, you're so lucky you get to go." She ran a hand through her wavy light brown hair.
"I'm so nervous. I won't know anyone."
"Relax, you'll be alright."
Taking a long breath, I exhale audibly, "I sure hope your right."
"Stunning... Ana this is definitely the one," Cece said taking a step back. "I just need to alter it a little so it fits you better.
"I don't know, do you think the color is right for me?"
"Are you kidding me Ana, you look amazing; red suits you," She replies.
I can't deny how beautiful the dress is. It's long, red, and it exposes my right leg just enough to make it sexy, but not trashy. I think it is way too much for me...For someone who wasn't used to all of this. However, what I really loved was the fact it covers the scar on my back...The one John left on me one night after returning from a week of drinking and partying. He'd pushed me so hard I landed on a glass table. That night was the last night he ever put his hands on me. Taking one last look, I smiled the color was truly growing on me. I love the way it highlights my curves and how beautiful it makes me feel.
"So what do you say?" Cece asks while I am looking at myself in the full-length mirror. "Do you want to keep looking?" She adds.
"No, this is the dress." I smile.
"Great, I will alter it and send it to you."
"Thank you so much Cece," I say, full of gratitude.
"Anytime Ana. Christian is a good friend of mine, which makes you a friend of as well, "She says and continues to unzip me." Do you need me to send shoes as well?"
"Yes, please."
When I finally arrive back in the lobby of my apartment I am truly thankful. I need to sit for a while without anyone asking me questions. I fight the urge for a drink; I need to keep everything in my head from driving me insane. My demons are once more attempting to destroy me. It was a little after eight when I step inside the elevator and just a minute before I arrived at my apartment. It was quiet and I wonder where Jacob is. Strolling into the kitchen, I reach for a glass and pour myself a glass of orange juice. I notice the note on the breakfast bar from Gail telling me she has taken Jacob to the movies. I am glad that I have the apartment to myself for a while. Taking my glass of orange juice with me to my room, I place it on the night table beside the bed. I lay down; I seriously need to unwind. Closing my eyes I dream of a place where I'm not me... I was someone with a family, a career, a life worth calling mine.
I woke up screaming and found myself laying in complete darkness. I apparently fell asleep. I take a long breath to calm myself down, but I can't keep the tears at bay. I hate the nightmares; the way I feel powerless and terrified. I screamed loud and painful. Now completely sobbing, I snatch the cushion from behind me and toss it to the floor. I'm not safe here and I need to leave. I know I have to eventually, but I hoped it wouldn't be this soon. I can't bring Christian into this, it wasn't fair. I know John wasn't searching for me, he was gone... Nothing left of the man I once cherished. It was... I can't even say his name without panicking. I am terrified. Taking deep breathes I make a decent attempt to stop crying before I wake up Jacob with my commotion. Climbing out of the bed, I pull my hair into a messy bun and reach for my sweater. Slowly, trying not to make too much noise, I walk out the room and into the kitchen. I open the top cabinet where I know a bottle of Scotch is. I get it and turn around back into my room. Setting it on the table, I look at it for some time, debating what I should do next.
My hands were shaking my body telling me to take a little taste, but my mind was fighting it. I can't go back down that road, not after everything Christian has done for me. The amount my life has changed because of him... I snatch the bottle before I change my mind and head to the bathroom and dumping the alcohol down the sink. I look at myself in the mirror; my eyes bloodshot from crying, the fear so visible on my face. I throw the bottle in the garbage can and head to bed hoping the nightmares stay away long enough for me to get some rest.
The next morning I wake up to extremely loud noise coming from outside my room. I turned over to check the time on the clock that sat on my nightstand. It is a little after 11 in the morning and I really don't want to get up. Not being able to sleep at night was killing me. Gradually, I untangle myself from the covers and get up to see what the heck was going on. As soon as I turn the corner I was welcomed by Jacob and Christian sitting on the couch.
"Good morning Ana," He says, taking his eyes off the TV for a moment.
"When did you get back?" I ask taking a seat on the couch beside him.
"Last night," He answers; laughing as he presses buttons on the video game controller. "No way... You're really good at this you know?" Christian chuckles as he rubs Jacobs' head, messing up his hair.
"You should get dressed," He tells me making me raise an eyebrow. "I made reservations at a spa nearby. Taylor will drive you."
"Hold up. You didn't have to do that."
"I know, but I wanted to," He tells me finally meeting my eyes for more than a second.
"I wish you would ask before you go ahead and do stuff like that," I say, regretting how rude I seemed.
"Sorry, I can cancel if you don't want to go."
"No. I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound like a complete bitch. I had a bad night."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.
I shake my head and attempt to change the conversation "So what are you playing?" I ask.
"Red Passenger." Jacob yells out.
I laugh and stay seated for a little while longer to enjoy how cute they are together.
An hour later I find myself looking through the window in Christian's SUV. I am completely worn out and secretly I am looking forward to some relaxation. Taylor turns the corner and we come to a stop in front of a building called Pretty Spa. Taylor comes around and opens the door for me. He starts to follow me but before we enter I stop him.
"Taylor I'll be just fine, I'll see you later okay?" I tell him trying not to sound like a bitch.
I really need to ask Christian whats the deal with Taylor? Like I know he's Christians driver but than why is he driving me insted of him?
"Very well Miss Steele."
"Thank you," I say before strolling inside the much-decorated pink room with white walls. It was somewhat cute. It made me feel like a little girl again. The receptionist welcomes me.
"Welcome to Pretty Spa, do you have an appointment today?" She asked chewing her bubble gum.
"Yes I do," I answered.
"Name, please?"
"Ana Steele."
Pressing a few buttons on her computer she finally looks up and smiles. "Miss Steele, please come this way." Pointing towards a hallway. "Is this your first time with us?" She asks walking in front of me.
"Yes," I whisper feeling intimidated by her looks. She had long dirty blond hair that fell to her waist, pretty Hazel eyes and a bubbly
personality.
"You're going to love it. You're getting the fabulous VIP package," She says opening the door to the room I'm going to be in. "Please get comfortable your masseur will be with you shortly."
Taking a seat on the very comfortable pink chair, I spy the remote. I wonder where the TV is. Maybe if I press the red button it will come on. As I do, the chair begins to vibrate and I panic at the sudden feeling.
"Here let me help you with that." A young man tells me and places a glass of champagne on the table. "My name is Steven; I will be helping you today." He holds the glass for me to take. "This was specially requested for you."
"No thank you, I don't drink," I say.
"It's cranberry and sparkling water." He lets me know.
I blush at the thought of Christian taking time out of his day to arrange all of this for me and ensuring they offer me non-alcoholic drinks.
I nod taking a taste of the heavenly drink. "Thank you."
After a calming massage, I get a Mani Pedi. I choose a beautiful red hot color. I decide to get my hair cut into layers and curled to perfection for tonight. The makeup artist shows me how to apply my make-up and tells me a smoky eye would look really good on me. When she's done, I take a long look in the mirror. I barely recognize myself. I contemplate what Christian will think? I really hope he likes how I look; I wouldn't want to embarrass him.
"Have a fabulous time at the party Ana." The receptionist yells to me as I leave the building.
I smile, feeling so much better. Taylor opens the door for me and I climb in feeling extremely nervous for tonight.
~.~.~
"Ana, do you need help?" Gail shouts from outside my room.
"I'm almost done," I scream back. Gail and I have become really good friends.
I laugh at the expression on Gail's face as I come out of my room. "Do I look that awful?" I ask.
"No...No you look beautiful." She tells me stepping forward to take a better look. "I love the dress."
"Thank you, me too. I hope Christian will like it," I say wishing I hadn't.
"I think he'll more than love it," She giggles and I can't help but join her.
We are interrupted at the sudden knock on the door. I check the time knowing it must be Christian. I take a long deep breath and get ready to face him. I am nervous and excited. Will he like how I look? I can only hope.
Our eyes meet instantly and Christian is staring at me, not moving at all. I assume my face looks the exact same. He's wearing an elegant black tuxedo with a red bow tie. His beautiful hair styled to perfection.
"Wow, you look amazing," He says taking a step forward.
"Do I?" Twirling around I say to give him a full view of my dress. "You don't look so bad yourself," I giggle and bite my lip. This makes him smile his full white-toothed smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
"Here this is for you." Handing me a blue box with Tiffany written on top. I take it but eyeing it carefully. "What is this?" I say shaking it slightly.
"Open it and find out."
Carefully opening it I am stunned to discover a beautiful pearl necklace. I shake my head knowing this is too much. How can I accept this, it's not right.
"Don't over think it Ana; it will look beautiful with your dress."
"Fine, but it's only for tonight." I let him know before agreeing to wear it.
Rolling his eyes, he signals for me to turn around. Reaching overhead, he puts it around my neck sending a shiver up my spine with the touch of his fingers. Stepping aside to examine his handy work, I can't help but smile at his expression.
"Wow, it looks stunning on you."
"Thank you. " I say knowing my cheeks are as red as my dress right now.
"You're welcome Anastasia, we should get going." He says placing his hand out for me to take. Making my heart skip a beat at the sweet minty smell of his breath.
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